R.I.P., sweet Cedar.

3 04 2008

My husband, Ryan, is not a “cat person.” But he knows that I am and that I’ve had cats my whole life. He loves me more than he hates cats. He proved it in 2004, when I got a kitty-shaped card for Mother’s Day. I opened it up to read, “I think we need a cat to complete our family.” As soon as I looked up, he headed for the front door and brought in a purple pet carrier with Sharpie writing on top, “Happy Mother’s Day! Love Ryvre and Ryan.” Inside was the most beautiful kitty I’ve ever owned. One-year-old ‘Koby’ had long legs, big ears, and a very pronounced muzzle. He also had a couple of kinks at the end of his tail, like it had been slammed in a door or something.


What a fantastic gift!

I renamed him ‘Cedar,’ and spent almost 4 years loving on him. At first, he was afraid of Ryvre (age 7 at the time). He’d walk through the living room, and if he had to pass her, he’d growl from across the room. It used to make her so mad! With time, Ryv earned his affection, and her bed eventually became his #1 favorite spot to snooze.

Ryv and Cedar

Since Cedar was a rescued kitten, we didn’t have a whole lot of background on him. The only thing they told Ryan, was that we were his 2nd shot at having a family. He’d been previously adopted by a gay couple; a man picked him out for his cat-loving partner. Fortunately for us, my kitty never warmed up to the man, so they returned him to the rescue foundation. One thing I can now infer is that Cedar didn’t have the BEST start in life, as a bottle-fed kitten. He began losing teeth at a young age, and about 4 months ago, his health took a serious turn.

Many dollars and tears later, my Cedar has gone to Cat Heaven. He’d been at the vet clinic for a few days this week, getting IV fluids and blood tests, to no avail. Yesterday, Ryvre and I headed over after school to spend some time with him before his planned euthanasia. My Mom graciously came, too.

When they placed Cedar in my arms, I could not believe how awful he looked. He was struggling to breathe and having tremors. I had to hand him off to my Mom, who was able to hold him more comfortably. And as we talked and cried, Cedar just relaxed and stared, until we realized that he had actually left us, right there in her cradling arms. We kept petting him anyway, recalling happy memories of this precious feline family member.

After some time, we left the clinic and went over to Mom’s house for coffee and a good walk.

I spent most of yesterday crying. I’d mistakenly thought that losing a pet would be easier once I had CHILDREN. I was wrong. My face met the pillow last night with a sobbing headache. What a shame to lose my sweet Cedar at such a young age.


Life will go on, and there will undoubtedly be other pets. But for now, I am a very sad girl.

Rest in peace, baby.




13 responses

3 04 2008
Kristin D

I am sorry Annie.

4 04 2008
Michelle P


I am so sorry for your loss. I understand. We just had to put down our dog of 16 years. I wish that we would of had him go in our arms vs having the vet come here. My brother made me leave the room because I was crying so hard. Then right after that we left to go visit Meme and Papa in Chico. It was nice to have time to grieve in a car then at their house. :/ Some people may not understand the loss of a pet. It’s terrible. If you would like to talk, call me. We can get get coffee and cry. Love, Michelle

4 04 2008
Sidna Henry

Oh Annie, what a beautiful cat he was. I am allergic to cats so never wanted one. But a year after losing our two beautiful golden retrievers, a grey, black and white striped tabby came into our yard one day. He walked up to me and put the top of his head on the top of my foot. He was so skinny and had a very-tight flea collar on his neck. He needed help. Needles to say, he is our “Mr. Niles”. He runs our house and has captured our hearts. So funny, and very bossy. I never thought I would ever have a cat, but feel so delighted with his chosing us.

Bless your beautiful “Cedar”. He is in a better place, and some day you will be reunited with him again.

Love you.


4 04 2008

I am so sorry, Annie. I know exactly how you feel. I am just glad that God has given us the capacity to love animals the way we do. There is heart ache, but the rewards are great. I also am glad you had your Mom with you. That is precious. I know she loves as we do. time does have a tendency to heal, but never takes the memories. Thank Gad for that.

4 04 2008

Dear Annie…I am so sorry….You remember what we went through losing Spike, it is never easy, even though it is an animal, they somehow grow to have a special place in the family. The only cat that we had was when Doc graduated from Seminary and we had promised the kids once Dad was out of Seminary, they could have a cat and dog and as with Ryan, after his graduation and our anticipated move, here comes Daddy home to the kids with this beautiful black and white kitty, kids named her Fluffy and the cutest little german shephard ever, kids named him Spike. Of course all those years as the kids grew, they had their Dog and Cat…and when they were all grown and married, guess who got to continue their care until their demise, first the dog and then 3 weeks later we found Fluffy curled up in the garage where she and the dog always slept together,she always nestled in the curve of his body as he lay. That was the time when I said, “no more pets”, it crushes your heart. Then…Aaron ask us to keep his dog for him until he and his dad could find a place that would accept dogs, (another Spike), well, we took care of Spike until his demise and we both agree, “no more pets”. Yes, you will miss your kitty, but i know that you’d rather have him no longer suffering. I loved the story of how you got him, how precious!

Love You, MeMe

4 04 2008

Annie, I never knew how you got cedar, that is to cute. I’m sorry to hear about her, Hang in there, you know you always have our cats to love on anytime you want or permanently if you want. Love you dea

4 04 2008

I appreciate all of your kind words. I know time heals. Ryan is already looking for a PUPPY – but I think I’ve convinced him to wait!

5 04 2008

I am so sorry, my sweet friend. I’ll continue to lift you up. big hug

5 04 2008
Emily Nease

annie, i’m so sorry about cedar. i did not know him very well, but i’m sure he was a sweet kitty. thanks for sharing the story about how he came into your family, it was so cute! does his name have anything to do with the name of your blog?

5 04 2008

I am so sorry about Cedar.

7 08 2008
Puppy-Dog Eyes for a Kitty « redcedar

[…] Puppy-Dog Eyes for a Kitty 7 08 2008 About 4 months ago, I lost my cat.  […]

19 08 2008
Positive Post Tuesday - Aunt Debbie « redcedar

[…] hospitality. This woman goes out of her way for others and is always looking out for everyone. When I lost Cedar, she came by the house and brought me the sweetest book, written by a veterinarian who shares his […]

16 10 2008
Elizabeth, the Diabetic Kitty « redcedar

[…] I don’t mean to sound mean.  Maybe Dear Old Liz would be better off in Kitty Heaven with Cedar? […]

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