R.I.P., sweet Cedar.

My husband, Ryan, is not a “cat person.” But he knows that I am and that I’ve had cats my whole life. He loves me more than he hates cats. He proved it in 2004, when I got a kitty-shaped card for Mother’s Day. I opened it up to read, “I think we need a cat to complete our family.” As soon as I looked up, he headed for the front door and brought in a purple pet carrier with Sharpie writing on top, “Happy Mother’s Day! Love Ryvre and Ryan.” Inside was the most beautiful kitty I’ve ever owned. One-year-old ‘Koby’ had long legs, big ears, and a very pronounced muzzle. He also had a couple of kinks at the end of his tail, like it had been slammed in a door or something.

What a fantastic gift!

I renamed him ‘Cedar,’ and spent almost 4 years loving on him. At first, he was afraid of Ryvre (age 7 at the time). He’d walk through the living room, and if he had to pass her, he’d growl from across the room. It used to make her so mad! With time, Ryv earned his affection, and her bed eventually became his #1 favorite spot to snooze.

Since Cedar was a rescued kitten, we didn’t have a whole lot of background on him. The only thing they told Ryan, was that we were his 2nd shot at having a family. He’d been previously adopted by a gay couple; a man picked him out for his cat-loving partner. Fortunately for us, my kitty never warmed up to the man, so they returned him to the rescue foundation. One thing I can now infer is that Cedar didn’t have the BEST start in life, as a bottle-fed kitten. He began losing teeth at a young age, and about 4 months ago, his health took a serious turn.

Many dollars and tears later, my Cedar has gone to Cat Heaven. He’d been at the vet clinic for a few days this week, getting IV fluids and blood tests, to no avail. Yesterday, Ryvre and I headed over after school to spend some time with him before his planned euthanasia. My Mom graciously came, too.

When they placed Cedar in my arms, I could not believe how awful he looked. He was struggling to breathe and having tremors. I had to hand him off to my Mom, who was able to hold him more comfortably. And as we talked and cried, Cedar just relaxed and stared, until we realized that he had actually left us, right there in her cradling arms. We kept petting him anyway, recalling happy memories of this precious feline family member.

After some time, we left the clinic and went over to Mom’s house for coffee and a good walk.

I spent most of yesterday crying. I’d mistakenly thought that losing a pet would be easier once I had CHILDREN. I was wrong. My face met the pillow last night with a sobbing headache. What a shame to lose my sweet Cedar at such a young age.

Life will go on, and there will undoubtedly be other pets. But for now, I am a very sad girl.

Rest in peace, baby.