tiny dancer

19 06 2008

So, last night, I was a bit of a tyrant.  I could blame it on a long week, having tons of things on my mind, it being a hormonal time of the month, or whatever.  But I need to take responsibility.

I came home to a messy house.  Again.  And, you know, this is something that I just have not been able to find contentment in.  My husband is a fantastic stay-at-home-most-of-the-time Dad, but he’ll tell you he’s no housekeeper.  And as long as we’ve lived together, you’d think I’d come to accept that and just adapt.  Right?  I thought I would, too.

Anyway, I went on a rampage last night, fed up with the clutter, the dust bunnies, and the ant invasion.  I cleaned the kitchen, bathroom, and smallest child.  All the while, I was muttering complaints about how I always have to do everything around here, since I’m the family slave and all, and I guess I’m just going to have to get used to living in a pig sty, or spend my entire life cleaning up after everybody.  I know the fam could hear me, and I know that I wasn’t lifting anybody’s spirits.

After my son’s bath, I was doing some detail work in the bathroom, and I caught him with the toilet brush, carrying it over to the toilet, dripping it on my newly sterilyzed floor… and himself.  And I lost it.  I pretty much yelled in his face that he should never touch that – it’s disgusting – and what were you thinking?! 

My little one looked at me like he didn’t even know who I was, and after I’d snatched the thing out of his hand, he carefully made his way into the hall. 

Suddenly, I saw myself, from outside of myself.  God forced open my spiritual eyes in that moment, and I didn’t recognize who I was, either.  This child was picking up a cleaning tool to HELP his mom.  He was partnering with me in my selfish effort and tackling the dirtiest job, at that! 

I instantly went to him, knelt down to his 2-year-old level, and took him in my arms.  “I am so sorry, baby, that I yelled at you.  I should not have done that.  Thank you for trying to HELP me.  You are so sweet.”  I gave him a batch of kisses between the eyes and squeezed him tightly.  I felt like a total jerk.

“It’s okay, Mommy!”  And all was well, in his world.

It’s not over for me, though.  My behavior was not acceptable.  I don’t want to be that kind of mom, and I certainly don’t want my precious children to have those kinds of memories of me. 

So, I beg of the Lord today:  HELP!  I need a massive dose of patience-training.  I realize that what I’m requesting is not going to be enjoyable.  At all…  But I ask, regardless.  Because my desire is for You to be glorified in my home.

Oh yeah – about the title.

My daughter has her dance recital tonight.  She’s been taking dance classes for 7 years, now (since she was 4).  I remember all the times I’ve curled her hair, put on her stage make-up, hung up her costumes, and taken too many pictures.  Now, she can take care of most of it by herself.  All she needs me for is to give her a ride (and still take too many pictures).  I’m really proud of her and glad that she has this outlet in her life that she so enjoys.  I’m also thankful for those wonderful great-grandparents who’ve been funding it!

When I get home from work, I’ll grab the camera, take my dancer to the theater for call time, and run off to find the perfect bouquet of flowers.  If I have enough minutes left, I might even treat myself to Taco Tree before the show starts – mmm!

Life is busy.  If you think about it, I could use some prayer support in my pursuit of patience. 

I’m determined that tonight will be vastly different from last.

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7 responses

19 06 2008
anon4him

Thank you for you prayer, and I shall certainly return the favor. Good luck with your daughter’s recital! It must have been great watching her grow and improve for all those years! ^_^ God bless!

19 06 2008
Kristin D

I can totally understand Annie. I have been there too many times. I keep asking for God’s eyes and that He open my eyes when I am in the middle (or better yet the beginning) of a rant that is not supposed to happen.(Not that there are many that are) I’m praying for you! Please pray for me.

20 06 2008
annie

Thanks, ladies!

20 06 2008
6justmyopinion

Great job, Annie. It was brave and open and so real. So normal. Being a mom and working full time and just the busyness of life if hard. You are a great mom and wife. Also a beautiful person inside and out. I will pray, just know we have all been there.

Love you, Barb

20 06 2008
MEME

It happens, that’s the way I felt last weekend after hearing we would be having company while I was away, you know trying to get things picked up, washed up, and get the two sweet kids back to their Mom and be at the B’day party for Pam (on time). Thanks to Becky for picking you up. It all worked out as always. Hey, I know that Ryan can make beds and keep up a room, he proved that while being with us last weekend, I did put a lundry basket in his room and told him to put his dirty clothes there and I did his laundry nightly, but you know me….If you’d like I’ll come down and give him a few lessons on what to do for his wife while she’s at work, I think most men think if they are just there to watch the children the maid will take care of the rest…not the way it goes and Poppa has sure learned that since he’s retired and I continue to work. If men could only get the routine of a day’s work in a woman’s life, it certainly does not end after we get home from work but continues was into the night and as you know I’ve always beena slave to my house which is not always the best thing either but it’s tough to come home after a day’s work and continue on. You can tell Ryan for me that the house needs to be cleaned, dinner waiting and he and the kids ready to enjoy a wonderful evening together with Mom, he can do it!!! At least this can happen when he’s not on a movie job. You’re doing a great job, just remember we all have our days of frustration and Poppa reminds me of that often. I don’t like myself either when I’m frustrated and I can only imagine how others around me must feel. It is easy to see how you allow the Spirit to work within you, we love you and all you do for and with your family. God is good, he sees and knows all our needs.

Love You All

20 06 2008
MEME

Oops, mispelled laundry in one spot, there may be others….oh well!!

25 07 2008
Great-Granny Grandma

You are only human, like the rest of us, but you also have a beautiful spirit and sound like a wonderful mom. Loved the post.

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