personal milestone

16 08 2008

Tonight, I just listened to (and sang) “It is Well” WITHOUT CRYING for the first time in a decade.

I am listening to Phil‘s free album.

And picking up crayons.

And singing.

Without crying!

That makes me happy.

You see, I lost a very dear person years ago.  She was another mom to me.  Not a work mom or an “almost” mom.  She was ANOTHER MOM to me.  My own mom’s best friend.  A super special person.  After she lost her fight against cancer, we had a memorial service.  At that service, my mom stood up and talked about asking the Lord for a mansion right next door to Leslie’s.  The whole service was full of hope like that.  One of the most memorable parts of it, though, was when Jennifer Hamilton took the stage and sang the most beautiful version of “It is Well” I have EVER heard.  No accompaniment.  Her voice was like an angel, and I have no idea how she got through that entire song without breaking down.  I was a complete mess.  And every time I hear that song, I am broken to pieces again.  I’ve had to walk out of church.  It’s like this never-ending grief I carry.  (and yes, NOW I am crying…)

I keep wondering, will I ever be ok with this song?  It’s a really nice song, and I’d love to be able to sing it with everyone else!

Tonight, I sang it with Phil, and everyone else.  And it felt good.

Who knows, I could drown in tears again the next time it plays.  But tonight, I have experienced a little bit of God’s healing.  I’m not hopeless!

I will always miss Leslie.  But I can still sing, and I look forward to visiting mom’s mansion one day, and stopping by to hug her closest neighbor on the way…

Thanks for this little blessing, Phil.  (Great album.)

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5 responses

17 08 2008
thisiskristin

I’m so sorry for your loss.

17 08 2008
Rowan

Sweet Annie,
you were never hopeless, but I am grateful you got a piece of His peace this day. loveloveloveyou

18 08 2008
6justmyopinion

Annie..I was there and I too, remember. Every now and then I feel like I see Les somewhere.
You are so blessed to love like that. I feel sometimes that people, how do I say it?..who don’t love deeply really miss out. Of course, when we love deeply, we hurt deeply also. How awesome to know that you have that joy and future to see Les again. To stop by and have coffee and then go on tp see your Mom. what a great picture.
Thank you….Barb

19 08 2008
melodymilbrandt

Wow Annie. It was so incredible to read this. I know exactly what you mean only my song is “In the Garden,” sung by my parents wonderful friends Ken and Gloria Bible at my dad’s memorial service. Mom, Amanda (my sister), and I all in a row on the front pew. I thought I would get through it, but then they got to the part, “and the melody that He gave to me withtin my heart is ringing…” and that was it. I am crying now just typing this. Good grief.
I am so glad for you to get to sing “It is Well” all the way through after these many years. And I love that even if the next time you “drown in tears again,” you still rest assured you will see Leslie and your mom again.
Coffee with Jesus. Sounds like a plan. Count me in. 🙂

Blessings – Melody

19 08 2008
annie

Thank you Melody. It’s good to know somebody else knows exactly how it feels. (I was sitting in the front pew, too!)

~ Just to clarify, though, my mom is still around. ~

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